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Thursday, July 09, 2009

I Still Love Her.....

It is very important for me to express to you how much you really mean to me. I wish I could do this in person while holding you in my arms and gazing into your eyes. But since we are physically separated by miles of emptiness, this expression must come in the form of letters such as this. When we met for the first time a few years ago, a lot has happened since then, we've both changed. I don't know when this happened. Everything you say everything I wanted to hear. Everywhere you go, I want to be. Anything that's on your mind, I want to know. No matter what you do, there's something about you that makes me want to be with you. I tell myself that I just want to go back to the way things used to be, when we were closer but I can't help feeling that there's something more. I'm in love with you or am I just in love with the idea of you? I don't know anymore. All I know is I've never experienced something like this with anyone else and it's killing me inside. I need you in my life Mhel. I know you understand everything that's going on in my life right now. I just know you would be able to help me figure out what the hell is happening. I wish you would let me in again. Love and understanding is all I want and need. I could be the most understanding person. I'm just waiting until the moment you realize how amazing our Love could be. You are still in my heart and my love for you will never die Mhel. And the pain I feel inside will always remind me of someone I still love, you. I don't need one hundred words to tell you that I love you, but I need more than the three words it really takes. I'm really sorry, Mhel, I don't know what I was thinking. Actually, I'm sure I wasn't thinking. That story about love meaning never having to say I'm sorry.... whoever came up with it didn't have the first clue about love. Love makes it unthinkable not to apologize if I'm the cause of your pain. I never have the intention to hurt you, but that's also bullshit because as much as I love you I'm imperfect, humanly so. How can I ever be sorry to have to tell you I'm sorry? How can love mean never to apologize when I hurt you? It takes a left turn while my life with you takes a right. You've got the key to my heart and I can't think of ever changing that lock. If you threw away the key, I would survive, but, it would take all the strength I have not to fall apart.

I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated for so long. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence. Until that moment arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss.

Monday, December 17, 2007

When Love Takes a Turn......

When a relationship ends, people assume that it is easy on the person who ends things. It is as if the person who does the breaking up, or who is thinking of breaking things off, is a person with no feelings, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sometimes people break off a relationship without remorse but this is not the norm. Most of the time falling out of love is a painful and confusing process filled with doubt and guilt. In fact falling out of love can be a more emmotional process than falling in love. Falling out of love can be as elusive as finding love. We fall in love for just long enough to sustain a sexual relationship and bring a child to safety. This could be the reason why a lot of relationships that seem perfectly healthy fail at this crucial period.
When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.
It’s very easy nowadays to fall in lust and mistake that for being in love. And once that lusting desire is over, you fall out of love. Most people, who fall in love due to chemistry and not commitment, are the ones that end up being in love with so many different people time after time. As soon as the chemistry goes, they fallout of love and move on to the next person they have chemistry with. Chemistry is just the anticipation of sex. It won’t last forever. When you meet someone new, there is always the adrenaline rush, especially if you have things in common. Your body identifies with that person and once you are relaxed and comfortable with the person. Your desire to have sex with that person arises and that would end up to be a one night stand or several nights stands depending on how satisfied you are.The other reason why people fall out of love is due to their expectations not having been met. When they fell in love, they had high expectations depending on what they wanted. But after some time in the relationship they discover that their expectations are not being met. Maybe they wanted someone who would compliment them and appreciate them, but this is not the case. Instead they have someone calling them names and disrespecting them. After they have had enough, they fall out of love with that person and move on to a different relationship with someone that meets their needs.
The other reason why people fall out of love is mistreatment by their partner. When they first meet someone he/she is so good, so sweet and kind. But after some time they change and become abusive. They either hit them or swear at them. The person then can’t take this anymore and falls out of love and moves on with their life and find someone who treats them better. Nobody wants to be mistreated though some people will tolerate it for a while. But just because they tolerate it, doesn’t mean they enjoy it.
And last but not least the reason why people fall out of love is because they weren’t in love in the first place. There was no commitment; there was just the idea. The idea of being in love seems awesome but it takes work to stay in love. You have to keep doing good. You have to keep appreciating your partner. You have to keep supporting your partner even when the times are tough you have to hang in there and stick together and solve problems together and enjoy victories together.
A loss of chemistry is normally due to other commitments that take away the time for sex or a change in appearance of your partner. All these can be worked out by spending more romantic time together. The thing you liked about your partner at the beginning of the relationship should continue throughout the relationship. Relationships are about spending time together. Most relationships end because of lack of this. People have different upbringings and thus different goals and expectations. This is why when they first meet someone new, they want to get to know them and see if they are on the same wavelength. The more things in common you have with someone the better the relationship. Communication is the key to any relationship. Couples that talk stay in love and couples who don’t talk stay out of love’. Thus when you meet someone new you have to know them first. Before there is contact of the genitals, there should be contact of the minds.
Successful relationships are based on trust, honesty, love, tolerance, sharing and forgiveness.
Most relationship breakdown is normally due to lack of one or more of these things.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Is Divorce "For The Children's Sake" A Good Idea?

Divorce is so so common these days. It's like a game. The first reason is what entertainment companies are putting out these days tells men these days it's OK to degrade women. This can be seen from Tony Soprano strangling his mistress after she threatens to tell his wife about their affair to just about any rap video these days. The message is simple: "just go ahead and live for today and instant gratification.
"Parents will always be parents, divorced or not. You might dislike, despise or even hate your spouse but your children don’t. Divorce and the subsequent absence of a parent is an "enormous loss for them perhaps the very worst effect of divorce". If you’re undecided about divorce, worrying about the possible effects of divorce on your children, the question arises, "will we still argue"? Would you describe the relationship between you and your spouse as a low-conflict marriage or a high-conflict marriage? If high conflict suits you best if your children are constantly exposed to extremely negative and/or abusive words, emotions and behaviours chances are, they are traumatized by it. Divorce really will have a positive effect on your children’s lives. It certainly couldn’t be any worse. If your marriage is in the low level, conflict by squabbles, impatience with each other’s habits, lack of communication and so on, your children may be unhappy but not troubled to any serious degree. Which would your children choose? Life as it is, or a life that’s changed forever a life without one of you at home? The bottom line is, if you are in a low conflict marriage and your paramount concern is your children, divorce will most likely do them more harm than good. Some options are, to try to save your marriage or to do what your children do, accept things as they are. The good news is that low conflict marriages stand the best chance of being saved. With so much hate floating around, take the time to love those who are close to you. It will help you get through what otherwise may be long days and lonely nights.

Remember, Life is too hard to do alone...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A Happy Relationship, What Does it Take....

Most think that relationships exist to make ourselves happy. When we find that special person, we believe that love will naturally grow. In relationships we encounter everything, challenges, joy, fulfillment, loss. what's funny is, despite all the experiences in life, we seldom learn about the knitty gritty of relationships, how to build the relationship in a way that brings out the best in all. Know who you are and what you really want. Many enter relationships hoping that it will give us a life, or make us feel better about themselves. It is of the utmost importance to know and respect who you are, to enjoy your own company and be aware of your own values and goals. Otherwise, you can lose in a relationship, and become a pawn in someone else’s world. A healthy relationship is an expression of two people, both equally valuable. In this kind of relationship you discover all you have to offer and how to offer it. Feeling happy, high, excited or attached to a person, feeling possessive or dependent is not love. It's infatuation, ego thrills or dependency, usually based upon fantasy. Inevitably, fantasies fade. People then feel that the love is over. It is not over, it’s just been a form of counterfeit love. We must learn the difference between real and counterfeit love, between love and fantasy. Counterfeit love always involves struggle and pain. Real love never does. Real love is a verb. It is not based simply upon feelings, which come and go, but actions. It is important to learn "to"do love". Do love and you will be loved in return.
Every relationship is unique, and you may have your own way of knowing that a relationship is right for you. Even when a relationship is going well it is important that you still put effort into it and don't take the relationship for granted. Be aware of what you need in a relationship as well as what other people need. Trying to accept differences, especially between the people we like and ourselves, can help make the relationship healthier and stronger.

It may be good to remember that we are all different and the world could be really boring if we were all the same!

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Trials of Life...Good or Bad....

When difficult times come into our lives and we find ourselves unable to comprehend and understand, the enemy(Devil) is quick to throw doubts and questions into our minds. That's what he waits for, that hole to get into. Every time one of God's children falls or gives in to temptation, Satan proves himself to be right. Remember, the Devil is a Liar, a Deceiver and a Destroyer. How we react to trials not only affects our earthly situation, it also affects things in Heaven. Whether God is Gorified, or Satan, all depends on our actions. When God directly sends a trial our way, it is always because of His love for us. When Satan sends a trial our way, it is always because of his hate for us.
All trials and tribulations have a divine purpose. We are never alone. But the question arises, "Why do bad things happen to good people? That is one of the difficult questions in all. The way I will answer this, is, Human beings are sinful. As it is written," There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God". God puts us in situations that are hard for us, and we hurt. But these situations make our spirit and our mind and our attitude stronger. As we become stronger, we are better able to serve God. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. The end is always for the good. These trials are only to test your FAITH, to show that it is strong and pure. Remember your FAITH is far more precious to God than mere gold. If your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. We all like to have wonderful, trouble-free spiritual moments, which are sometimes called "mountaintop experiences". God does not keep us on these spiritual "mountaintops" for very long. God takes us back down to the bottom of the mountain to the cold, hard valley of reality. That is where He has work for us to do.
When we are in our trials, God comforts us. When we come through a trial, then we can look back and know how important it is to be comforted. Then as we praise God for comforting us, we learn that He comforted us so that we will comfort others. Many times we are permitted to go through trials for the same reason as read in the Book of Job, which Job had to face so God can be glorified. If we are not patient, holding onto our faith in God while we are facing trials, God will not receive any Glory. All the glory, in such a case, will go to Satan. However, when we go through the fire in the same way that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did (Daniel 3:19-30), God will be glorified.
When we walk by faith, we must continually remind ourselves from where we have come, and with thanksgiving never forget the trials God has brought us through. Thank the Lord even if things are not going well. By doing this, we will not fail to remember how faithful God is to help us in our most urgent times of need. Because God never changes, He is the same yesterday, today and forever and we know that, what He did for us in the past He will do for us in the future. Having this knowledge will enable us to turn our faces directly into the fury of the storm and press on. Our confidence will be rooted in the certainty that He is with us in the storms that rage around us. And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him. (Psalm 37:40)
Keep asking and keep trusting until you get your answer. And if you have a true, sincere heart for the Lord Jesus Christ, you above all people are hated by demonic powers above all others. Never forget that. Just because Satan is allowed by God to launch a painful attack upon us does not mean that God delights in it happening. On the contrary -- many things God permits … but He doesn’t take personal delight in the pain it causes those who are suffering.
Remember friends, God is in you, and YOU have been given power over the Devil! By submitting to God, and exercising your authority in the name of Jesus, you are more powerful than the enemy. “...He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

The Modern Man, The Modern Woman...

Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for that they are "A holes" etc... They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so now, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that, the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. Career women that work in their department and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. Old school males are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire. I am so so sure that any woman reading this may say, well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. In totality I agree but, you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Now, what does a man seek in a relationship? Man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right. I am talking in general here because there are some women who give love to the Max....and the man turns away....Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and majority of men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise. I am sure there are women saying, don't judge a book by its're right but I wouldn't want to wake up in the morning looking at a face or body thats not pleasant. Men are very visual. Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. Not someone with siblings, very few. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner. Women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

On the other hand, women love men who have certain level of refinement. A man who is interested in becoming more than just his job. Seeking more out of life than just eat, sleep and work. Women seek a man with a stable career for financial security. Interested in what you have to say, a good listener and I am sure you women will agree in is Good in bed! Women love to be complimented by their date and on their appearance. After all, there is always something nice a man can say that is complimentary about a woman at any age. Females in many species do not readily have sex until the males have courted them for a while. These are the reasons why most females are not eager for a 'roll-in-the-hay' every time a male comes along. Acceptance of a sexual partner is a serious decision for females. Much more serious than for a male! What women really want from men is confidence. Confidence... not arrogance, not dominance, not useless bravado, not macho heroics. Women just love truly confident men. A woman likes to believe, a man is willing to deal with a lot of things, what really counts is that he is able to deal with her. A healthy, mature woman resists impassioned commitment to a man who is afraid of her sexuality, her intelligence, or her emotions. I think a lot of women feel like , "Treat us like people, not a receptacle. We're not here just for you to get off and walk away." "Women aren't turned on the same way men are turned on. We're different. So for us it's not just like shaking hands."
Today’s man doesn’t need to have confidence in his puffed up skills, his marksmanship, and he doesn’t even need to provide for the entire family in most cases. So for some they’ve lost track of where their self-confidence is coming from. This makes women want to see that self-confidence even more – because it’s not as obvious or abundant as it once had to be.
In short, what women really want is a man who is willing, even though he has fears, to stand up and face the trials and tribulations of each new tough day, and who is strong enough to allow her to be strong without fear of his resentment of her strength.

Boy, I can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

What Makes a Man Cheat.....

One of the most painful experiences one undergoes in life is discovering your boyfriend or husband is a cheating guy. It becomes even more painful if you strongly care about, or deeply love, him.
What is "Cheating"? Cheating to some people may be simple glances at a good looking woman as she walks down the street or thinking about that sexy looking number that is displayed on the calendar or thinking ‘if only I am single’. Statistics show that, 22% of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives, 70% of married women did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity, while another 3% of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse. So why do men cheat? We first need to understand as to what is the normal behavior for a man. Can we get upset when a man enjoys a little flirtatious behavior or remarks on the good looks of a gorgeous woman if the act or comment hardly bears any substance? An innocent action that in no way impacts the way a man feels about his partner is harmless, it is how much he is and can be trusted to draw the line that matters. Some guys are just born to cheat and it is in their very nature to sample what is there to offer.

One of the most important factors that determines the difference between a good and bad man regarding fidelity is to take a look at his parents. Did he come from a loving family? Good breeding for me is the most important. It is a well known fact that children learn by example, even if it is subconscious. It is so important for women to understand that if a guy cheats on a woman, there is a very good possibility he will cheat on you. Men always have good reasons for cheating, so ladies, do yourself a favor and pass up the bad cheating guys for the good faithful guys. He may not always be as exciting and dangerous, but love and trust always outweighs danger and excitement in the long run. There is an old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true.

Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down. Another possibility why men cheat is You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something. He’s fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get. Your sex life sucks. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from getting boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.

Reasons why men cheat can be more complex than the above mention or even be a combination of a few different reasons. Nevertheless, no reason is good enough reason to lie and be dishonest. After all, Karma can be a DRAG!.